People, this is a CHOICE we make! Every day.
Lately, this has been shoved in my face in various different ways. I've been watching as friends of mine have been struggling in their marriages, as we all do. Oh, how we do.
But there is something else going on here. And our culture has been cultivating it for decades, nay centuries.
We whole-heartedly believe that once we are married, it's normal for things to...settle. We let our everyday lives become worn around the edges, and chalk it up to normal wear-and tear.
We are left stunned, gazing at our wedding photos, mesmerized by those blessedly happy people. Where on Earth did they go?
Every time we hear of another relationship suffering, my husband and I find ourselves turning to each other, our faces masked in fear and determination, saying "this will never happen to us!" And then, in a smaller, meeker voice "right?"
Well, I've decided that it is up to us.
In our four years of marriage, I've began to have an understanding of the word. Because, marriage isn't just about those happy people as they were on that one December day in 2011. It's also about these people who are sitting in their living room together right now in 2015, enjoying the silence of their one year old napping.
Marriage is helping your newly wed husband shower because he just had shoulder surgery.
Marriage is cleaning up after your pregnant wife because she missed the trash can.
And doing these things with love.
It's looking out at each other over a sea of dirty diapers, Teddy Grahams and piles and piles of never ending laundry, and remembering how he looked in his tuxedo, waiting for you at the end of the aisle. And then pushing through it all. Finding ways to make this new life you have created together work for you.
And remembering that is not easy. Not one bit. Not for one minute. If it feels easy, just wait. That other shoe is probably coming for you.
But here's the pinch, you already have everything you need to get through it. You put a ring on their finger, and they are waiting for you.
My husband and I like to talk of our future together often. We like to make plans for our family, our home. We enjoy imagining together how our lives might be in 5, 10, 20 years. And one thing that we always seem to come back to is that, in the end, when the children are raised, and they are off making their own lives, there will be no more Legos on the floor to clean. No more dirty diapers to change(hallelujah). We will look up and only see each other. And it is up to us to decide who we will see looking back at us. We could be strangers by then.
Or we could be so much more.
Lately, this has been shoved in my face in various different ways. I've been watching as friends of mine have been struggling in their marriages, as we all do. Oh, how we do.
But there is something else going on here. And our culture has been cultivating it for decades, nay centuries.
We whole-heartedly believe that once we are married, it's normal for things to...settle. We let our everyday lives become worn around the edges, and chalk it up to normal wear-and tear.
We are left stunned, gazing at our wedding photos, mesmerized by those blessedly happy people. Where on Earth did they go?
Every time we hear of another relationship suffering, my husband and I find ourselves turning to each other, our faces masked in fear and determination, saying "this will never happen to us!" And then, in a smaller, meeker voice "right?"
Well, I've decided that it is up to us.
In our four years of marriage, I've began to have an understanding of the word. Because, marriage isn't just about those happy people as they were on that one December day in 2011. It's also about these people who are sitting in their living room together right now in 2015, enjoying the silence of their one year old napping.
Marriage is helping your newly wed husband shower because he just had shoulder surgery.
Marriage is cleaning up after your pregnant wife because she missed the trash can.
And doing these things with love.
It's looking out at each other over a sea of dirty diapers, Teddy Grahams and piles and piles of never ending laundry, and remembering how he looked in his tuxedo, waiting for you at the end of the aisle. And then pushing through it all. Finding ways to make this new life you have created together work for you.
And remembering that is not easy. Not one bit. Not for one minute. If it feels easy, just wait. That other shoe is probably coming for you.
But here's the pinch, you already have everything you need to get through it. You put a ring on their finger, and they are waiting for you.
My husband and I like to talk of our future together often. We like to make plans for our family, our home. We enjoy imagining together how our lives might be in 5, 10, 20 years. And one thing that we always seem to come back to is that, in the end, when the children are raised, and they are off making their own lives, there will be no more Legos on the floor to clean. No more dirty diapers to change(hallelujah). We will look up and only see each other. And it is up to us to decide who we will see looking back at us. We could be strangers by then.
Or we could be so much more.
