I have had this post on my heart since this morning. I'm sitting here on my bed, a toy train and an open, unfinished pack of gummy snacks on the mattress to my left, freezing because my one year old is passed out in a ball on the covers at the end of my bed. Our family is exhausted from a very taxing week. On Monday, Jared started an amazing new job, I went back to school for pre-planning, and Sam started at daycare for the first time. This week has really thrown us a curve ball.
This morning at drop off, as the daycare worker was prying Sam from my arms as I turned to go, trying to make it easier for everyone, I felt that familiar lump rise in my throat( I'm feeling it now just remembering). I could still hear his cries for me as I made my way out of the front door of the daycare. I looked up at the morning sky as I willed myself not to break down and thought to myself, " It's time now. You have to be a Warrior Mom". It was kind of a silly thought at first. Honestly my brain automatically brought up an image of Xena, Warrior Princess. But as I made the drive to my school I thought about it more and more.
This thing that we are going through, this transition. It is so commonplace, and at the same time it is incredibly momentous. Sam is learning how to go and be a person without my constant supervision. Which is quite a big task for a one year old. It kills me to see the uncertainty in his eyes when he watches me leave a room.
And I know. I know it will get better. Because that is the way things go. All the veteran moms are smirking at me right now, shaking their heads, but they know deep down, in some form, they were once me. And it stings.
So I see you, Warrior Mom. I see you praying that this day will go just a little bit better for you and your crew. Celebrating the small things. Living completely in the moment because there is just not enough time NOT to.
I see you, Stay At Home Mom, who just swept Cherrios off the floor for the third time today, and it's not even 10am.
I see you, Working Mom, completing your work as fast as you can, and mapping out the evening hours in your head to maximize the family time that you have.
Since I teach, I get to be you both at times. And I know that in some way, on some level, you feel like you are failing. But your reminder of how amazing you are doing is right under your nose. Just take a glance at their sweet-cherub-"I have done no wrong" faces, and smile back.
So straighten your messy bun, throw back some coffee, and don't worry. You've got this. You are Warrior Mom.
